Dealing with a bad breakup is always painful, no matter how old you are. But you know what? It’s even worse when you’re in your twenties because it really sucks when everything gets shattered into pieces – your spirit, dreams, wishes, and deepest desires, together with your young heart that has craved true love for so long.
However, no matter how hard they may be, the fact is that breakups always teach us important lessons. Of course, most romantic souls take every defeat personally, wondering why everything fell apart so quickly. Well, I was one of them, too, and here’s what my worst breakup taught me about relationships.
Without a doubt, breakups are very traumatic
A relationship involves two people – no matter what happens, both partners should take responsibility. That’s true for both good and bad situations, and people who are head over heels in love, like I was, often tend to forget that.
I was the one who used to put all the responsibility on myself whenever something went wrong, without even realizing that it wasn’t about my actions at all in most cases. Whenever his actions hurt me in any way, I always thought about my own actions, trying to understand why he acted in a certain way and what could I possibly do to cause such a reaction. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that it was all my fault, which made me feel so awful, worthless, and discouraged. Whenever he was angry at me, he was behaving like it was all about my fault and not his own insecurities.
I don’t believe in “the one.” Not anymore at least.
I would never label myself a romantic, but I do have a vision in my head of what romance should look like. I also understand that vision is different for everyone, but my vision has always been someone who complements me perfectly. Plus, I’ve always thought having a cute meeting story always made a person more likely to be “the one.” Which while yes, makes a cute story but just cute stories don’t make good relationships.
I always tend to hype up every guy I meet or date way too much. It’s a character flaw of mine. Or I guess it’s a good thing for the people I’m hyping up since it makes them seem like a god on a pedestal. I’m not saying I make all my crushes seem like they have no flaws. Of course not. I just have the really bad habit of thinking every guy is “the one.”
Now I guess I’ve never actually used that term before, but I’ve always thought “there’s no way this is a coincidence.” Like the universe couldn’t have given me this person under these circumstances and it not be meant to be. But now I know it is just coincidence. Either that or it’s just the universe giving me someone to teach me an important lesson or make me happy during a hard period of my life.
Let me give you a few examples of just four guys I’ve had this feeling about in only the last four or so months.
I never really opened up about this on the blog but he was all over my Instagram story and Twitter feed. Y’all loved him. Y’all said we’d get married. Y’all always asked for updates on him. So who is this guy? Cute car salesman. Yup, I’m finally opening up about what went down when I asked out the dude who sold me my dream Jeep.
Spoiler alert: he stood me up.
So if you’re new here, or don’t follow me on Instagram or Twitter, then you have no idea who I’m talking about when I refer to cute car salesman. Let me give you a little background to get you caught up.
How I Met Cute Car Salesman
My old car died back in September while I was driving home from work. Within a week, I was car shopping with my dad because I worked a good 30 minutes away and needed a reliable way to get there. I realized this to be my prime time to finally convince my dad that my dream car was the perfect one for me to invest in, a 2008 Jeep Liberty. I searched for used ones all over the web and found a decent priced one at a car dealership just one exit down from my college.
Related: How to Save Money in College
My dad and I went and took a look at the car. I test drove it and fell in love all over again. I just had this feeling that his car was going to be mine, so when the car salesman (not the cute one yet, he comes in later) told me that I couldn’t sign for one without a co-signer I was crushed. My parents and grandparents weren’t at the best place to co-sign for me at that moment and I had just quit my second job. Basically, it was literally the worst timing ever.
I left sad but certain that car would somehow be mine. After asking my older brother to co-sign with me, he accompanied me and my dad back to the car dealership just two days later. We walked in asking for the man who we spoke to last, but he wasn’t working. That’s when I was introduced to cute car salesman.
Whether you just went through a breakup or you’re trying to finally cut ties with that f-boy, getting over someone can be really hard. In the last year and a half, almost every girl in my friend group has had some insane drama with boys – myself included.
I’ve watched us all struggle to come to terms with a relationship (or what we hoped was a relationship) coming to an end. It’s hard. All breakups are hard.
I’ve never really opened up about this on the blog much, but I was in a semi-serious relationship at the end of my senior year of high school and through most of my freshmen year of college. We had a mutual breakup due to many factors, but afterward, it left me feeling even more lost than going to college on the other side of the country already had.
Related: I Don’t Feel Like Myself Anymore
Only a few weeks later, I started trying to date again. There were some fails, but then I thought I found someone a few months later. However, I still wasn’t ready. So I broke it off and took a few more months for myself. Then at the beginning of 2017, I knew I was ready to date again. Which was when my drama started all over again.
I got entangled with a player. Somehow I fell really hard for this guy and he kept stringing me along for months. Then silence. Then he was back. Then silence. Then I was 100% done and decided to cut him off myself.
Writing this today, I realized that I’m finally at a place in my life where I feel genuinely happy about where I am romantically. Am I still single? Yes. But I have finally gotten over all my past relationships.
And I’m here to help you do the same.