Whether you just went through a breakup or you’re trying to finally cut ties with that f-boy, getting over someone can be really hard. In the last year and a half, almost every girl in my friend group has had some insane drama with boys – myself included.
I’ve watched us all struggle to come to terms with a relationship (or what we hoped was a relationship) coming to an end. It’s hard. All breakups are hard.
I’ve never really opened up about this on the blog much, but I was in a semi-serious relationship at the end of my senior year of high school and through most of my freshmen year of college. We had a mutual breakup due to many factors, but afterward, it left me feeling even more lost than going to college on the other side of the country already had.
Related: I Don’t Feel Like Myself Anymore
Only a few weeks later, I started trying to date again. There were some fails, but then I thought I found someone a few months later. However, I still wasn’t ready. So I broke it off and took a few more months for myself. Then at the beginning of 2017, I knew I was ready to date again. Which was when my drama started all over again.
I got entangled with a player. Somehow I fell really hard for this guy and he kept stringing me along for months. Then silence. Then he was back. Then silence. Then I was 100% done and decided to cut him off myself.
Writing this today, I realized that I’m finally at a place in my life where I feel genuinely happy about where I am romantically. Am I still single? Yes. But I have finally gotten over all my past relationships.
And I’m here to help you do the same.
Remind yourself you are beautiful
One of the things I miss about being in a relationship is just having someone to send the excessive amount of selfies I take. I want someone to assure my self-doubts and remind me how beautiful I am.
But girl, we don’t need other people to tell us how gorgeous we are! Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful. You are sexy. You are stunning. You are drop-dead gorgeous.
I also like to leave comments on other girls pictures trying to build them up. Or I’ll randomly call/text a friend just to tell her I think she’s beautiful. Not only does it build her up, but it makes me feel great about myself, too.
Give it time
One of the only good things I got out of The Betches new book was the time it takes to get over a breakup. They provided a formula to predict how long it may take you to get over your past relationship and I loved it so much I actually took a picture to remember it.
Instead of sharing a picture of that page, I actually made this handy-dandy infographic just for you! Be sure to pin it on Pinterest just in case you ever need to reference it, although I really hope you won’t have to. But heartbreak happens my friends.
Text your friend what you want to say to him
It’s hard to completely cut ties with someone after talking to them so often for days, weeks, or months. Either you just miss talking to them, or you want to yell at them and let them have it.
Now I’m not going to judge you either way because I’ve totally done both, but I find that sometimes it’s better to stay silent. Picking things back up with them isn’t going to help you heal.
Instead, try telling your friend what you want to tell your ex. That way you get all your feelings out in a healthy way, but also without getting in contact with the person you’re trying to get over.
Keep a journal
Another healthy way to purge your feelings is to journal. I know, I know. Everyone always recommends journaling for everything, but it really does help.
Related: How to Start a Journal
However, sometimes I find that I hit writer’s block with a normal pen and paper journal. This last year, I started a Google Doc that I opened up when I had some feelings to rant. It sort of turned into a jumble of random writings and small poems. I’ve gone back and edited parts of it and actually got one of my favorites poems I’ve ever written out of it.
It’s also really moving to be able to look back at something I had written during a depressing time of my life and no longer be able to connect to those feelings. That’s real proof that I’ve moved past the person I had written about.
Read some poetry or quotes
Piggybacking off the poetry thing, I’ve found reading quotes I find on Pinterest (I linked my board of quotes if you want to get in your feels) or in poetry books really helped me in times I was down. Words have always had a powerful impact on me so it seemed natural to turn to them in times of need. Plus, reading something someone else wrote that connects with you on a deeper level makes you realize that you aren’t alone in what you’re going through and that you will get through whatever life has thrown at you because other people have as well.
I’ve read about six poetry books and these are my favorite for getting over a breakup:
- Milk and Honey (affiliate link) – Rupi Kaur
- The Sun and her Flowers (affiliate link) – Rupi Kaur
- I hope this reaches her in time – R.H. Sin
- I Wrote This For You – pleasefindthis
I also follow quite a few poets on Instagram. My absolute favorite is R.H. Sin. Like holy cow, that guy knows how to write, and I relate immensely to almost every single poem he puts out there. Other poets I follow, and recommend, on Instagram are:
Have a sad and a sassy playlist
I am the queen of sad music. Well, not so much anymore, but I have an over 100 songs long playlist that I curated over the last couple of years and will give you a good cry. I rarely ever listen to it anymore, but it has helped me through a lot.
Full albums for sad times:
- The Thrill of it All – Sam Smith new
- Red – Taylor Swift
- Speak Now – Taylor Swift
You also need a rocking sassy playlist too since an important part of getting over a breakup is to move past your ex. This will serve to remind you that you can be a badass independent woman and that you’re better off without what’s his name. It can also serve to remind you that you are worth loving, as that can be hard to remember after coming straight out of a relationship.
Find a rebound for casual fun
Fair warning: this tip isn’t everyone’s cup of coffee. (I hate tea so I’m not using that saying Lol)
Some people strongly oppose the use of rebounds to get over ex’s, and that’s totally okay, but I personally believe in them. Only if they are done right though.
The point of a rebound is to get yourself back in the swing of flirting and dating again, but it’ll most likely be too soon for you to actually be ready to 100% commit to a real relationship. This needs to be crystal clear to the other party, otherwise, you’re just leading them on and that sucks. Trust me. I’ve been on both sides of that and after being led on for months I realized I had done it multiple times to guys before and promised myself to never do it again.
So if you’re actually looking to casually date someone, make sure they know you aren’t looking to be exclusive and that they won’t be getting real relationship benefits from you and you don’t expect the same from them. Those are dangerous waters, my friend.
Besides just casual dating, some girls choose to also causally hook-up with people as a way of coping with a breakup. Again, I’m not telling you that you should or shouldn’t do this, but it is an option many people follow. If you do decide to follow this path, please be safe about who you’re doing it with and how you’re meeting them.
And again, don’t give or expect real relationship benefits from a hook-up because that’ll just lead to heartbreak all over again. To avoid this, a good rule to follow is to not get involved with anyone you could actually see yourself ending up with in the long run.
Do things you love
Now that you’re unattached you have so much more free time! It can be tempting to just lock yourself away and do nothing, but use this time to break out and discover yourself more. What are some activities you enjoy that you haven’t gotten to do much lately? Hike? Visit musuems? Draw? Read? Write music? Travel? Whatever they are, do them!
This is one of the longest posts I have ever written but it’s a topic I wanted to go over thoroughly. I’ve seen so many of my girl friends and family members broken and bruised because of the end of a relationship and it breaks my heart every time to see a strong woman in my life feel so alone and weak.
If you’re struggling with a breakup I really hope I was able to help you in some way. That’s what I’m here for! Lately, I’ve also considered starting a boy advice column of sorts. Basically, you send in questions and I’ll answer them on the blog (you would be anonymous of course. I wouldn’t want to blast your personal issues) in short posts. Is that something you would be interested in? Sound off in the comments for me, please!
How do you deal with breakups?