I don’t believe in “the one.” Not anymore at least.
I would never label myself a romantic, but I do have a vision in my head of what romance should look like. I also understand that vision is different for everyone, but my vision has always been someone who complements me perfectly. Plus, I’ve always thought having a cute meeting story always made a person more likely to be “the one.” Which while yes, makes a cute story but just cute stories don’t make good relationships.
I always tend to hype up every guy I meet or date way too much. It’s a character flaw of mine. Or I guess it’s a good thing for the people I’m hyping up since it makes them seem like a god on a pedestal. I’m not saying I make all my crushes seem like they have no flaws. Of course not. I just have the really bad habit of thinking every guy is “the one.”
Now I guess I’ve never actually used that term before, but I’ve always thought “there’s no way this is a coincidence.” Like the universe couldn’t have given me this person under these circumstances and it not be meant to be. But now I know it is just coincidence. Either that or it’s just the universe giving me someone to teach me an important lesson or make me happy during a hard period of my life.
Let me give you a few examples of just four guys I’ve had this feeling about in only the last four or so months.
There was one guy who I was in love with in high school. Like it was so bad because literally everyone knew. But he had a girlfriend all through high school so nothing ever came of it. After he graduated we lost touch, but then years later we got back in touch and he told me he wished he had made a move when we lived in the same state. I saw this situation as Hallmark-worthy. Even more so when he started FaceTiming me multiple times a week just to talk about anything.
No way this would happen and he wouldn’t be my end game right?
A couple months ago I was introduced to a guy randomly. On my trip to Edinburgh, I kept up with my Instagram stories and geotagged everything. And by chance, a guy from the states studying abroad in Edinburgh just happened to be looking at the Edinburgh story tag and saw my story. He reached out and gave me suggestions of place to visit. We chatted a little bit about studying abroad then followed each other on Instagram soon after.
A week later I noticed on his story he was in Glasgow (where I’m studying abroad). Then a couple weeks later I posted about coding and he told me he’s a computer science major. Also turns out he plays football and it was my young self’s dream to date a football player. It just seems like the craziest of coincidences right?
Well, then I met the almost exact male version of me. I kid you not we are so similar it creeps me out sometimes. Same kinds of dorky interests, a passion for reading and learning, athletic but not jocky, same religious beliefs, the same sense of humor, close to very few people, and the list goes on and on. Like I said it’s creepy. And the thing is I would never have met him had I not studied abroad or if I didn’t use Tinder. While I’ve always played on the app, mindlessly swiping, I hardly ever actually talk to matches, let alone meet up with them. Which just seems even more coincidence to me, so soon I started thinking maybe he could be the one?
Then I pulled another Hallmark movie move. On a night train back to Glasgow I got seated across from the cute boy I had eyed in the train station. He made conversation with me but disengaged and went to sleep soon after the train left the station. I decided to be bold and leave him a note with my name and number. But he awoke a few minutes before my stop and I chickened out. I got off the train with the note clutched in my hand. As I left the train and rounded the corner I looked back and made eye contact with the boy then walked up the stairs to exit the station. I made it halfway up. Then I did something crazy and totally out of character. I ran back and told the train worker I left something on the train and made him unlock the coach door so I could have the guy the note and run off.
After he texted me the night, we talked every day and I soon learned that he’s vegan, we share the same love of San Francisco and the West coast, both love hiking and being in nature, he has a passion for photography and uses Instagram almost as much as I do, can sing and even sympathized with my homesickness since he lived in Arizona for awhile (he’s British). With each new thing I learned about him my mind just kept thinking, “He’s gotta be the one. Gotta be.”
No Such Thing as Perfect
That’s when I realized “the one” is just a dumb construct the romance industry constructed. And you may disagree with me. Maybe you’re with someone now who you believe is “your one.” But look at these four people who all could be considered my one. And not just by me. With each one I had people tell me that there’s no way it’s a coincidence and that it was meant to be.
I think it’s a lot like how I believe there is no perfect college. There is no perfect anywhere, anything or anyone. Just a bunch of colleges, places or people who fit you well and then you put on a pedestal to seem perfect.
I’d also like to point out that I came into contact with all these people when I was least expecting it. It’s really true that you find what you’re looking for when you aren’t looking.
I’m not sure exactly what I wanted you to get out if this post. Maybe that my life is a Hallmark movie LOL or maybe that if you’re with someone and you do think they are “the one.” Ask yourself why you think this. Is it just because of your cute meeting story? Is it because everyone is telling you that it’s meant to be? Or do you truly have feelings for this person?
And the same goes for if you’re with someone and you’re not sure if they are “the one.” Know that if you are wondering this then they aren’t. Don’t force them to be just because things seem perfect. If the love is there then the love is there.
Do you believe in “the one?”